Across The Universe- "All My Loving"

Will I be able to catch my breath?

I am going to visit Colorado in July. I am more excited than I could ever express! I can’t wait to hug my family. I just start crying when I think of having them around me. I can’t wait to hold my nephews in my arms, and laugh with my nieces while we dance around. I can’t wait to look into my sisters eyes and feel their emotion as we talk. I can’t wait to feel my daddies strong arms around my neck. I can’t wait to see my brothers smiles. I can’t wait to feel the warmth of each one of them.

                                                                                    BUT……

I’m sure no one ever thought there would be a BUT for me when speaking of such things. I am nervous. There are parts of me that are actually scared to go back home. I’m afraid that I will feel like I am going back home from a long vacation, and then when it hits me that I will have to leave…. I just don’t know how my heart will handle it. I’m nervous that there won’t be enough time. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to catch my breath when I have to say good bye again. There are parts of me that would just rather not face that pain again. I really don’t know how some people do it. Is it just cause I love my family to much. My heart breaks.

How will I walk away from my momma and daddies arms again? How will I let go of my nieces as their arms are wrapped tightly around my neck? How will I leave? How will I leave again?

I guess I just have to trust the Lord again. I will have to breath deep His love for me, that will never leave me or forsake me. I have to know that my heart is in His hands and so are my families hearts. We all make a nice heart mix in the palm of His hand. I'll be ok. I do have my Jesus, my Adam and my other family here. So, even though I know it won't be anything but hard to leave them again, I know I will survive! I love my family oh so very much!

You don't know what you have till you don't have it at you fingertips.

I will dance

When I was a little girl I would put on dresses and make up and turn on music and then I would get in the middle of a room and dance as if I had a thousand people watch me. My heart would beat and my mind would go to a place of such peace. Those days there wasn't much to do or worry about nothin. My heart was as free as I can remember. I would run and play and imagin. I would dance and sing and laugh. Nothing could stop me, not even my school work that my mother would nearly have to drag me by my ear to sit and do. My life was a dream. Everyday was a new day. Everyday was its own day. I didn't think about the next day or what I had to do that weekend, unless there was a slumber party to look forward to. I just lived each day like it was that day and that day only. I still dance to my hearts content, but I worrie about tomorrow to much. I know who holds my tomorrow so why can't I dance with the peace. I did when I was a little girl.

Just a life update

I'm sitting by the window watching some birds chasing each other around. The snow is slowly melting here in Muskegon. I can feel spring in my blood. We have been here for... how long now.... almost three months. I can't believe we have been here for that long already. It feels like just yesterday we left.
I got a job at a bank as a teller, which is wonderful. I am so excited to work as a teller again. I will be starting on Monday. I will still be working two to three nights a week at Chili's. I just can't get over the Lords favor on my life. He not only found me one job but two. The basement is coming along. We are trying to get it mostly finished for Liz's wedding week, which is this coming week. We will see. It is really looking so great though. I can see a finish in sight. Adam and his dad have been working so hard to get that done for us. We are all looking forward to it being done so that we can all relax on the weekends. Also, so that Adam and I can work on our rock climbing wall in the garage and have the summer days to enjoy on the beach. It is really going to be so beautiful down in the basement.
We are still looking for a church. That has been a much harder proses than I expected. I really really miss Bloom, Micheal and Lisa Gungors worship, Andrews preaching, and just the people. We fit so great there! I keep telling people not only do I get home sick, but also home church sick. I'm trusting the Lord that he will lead us where he wants us. Since we haven't found a church yet we are having a hard time making friends. Adams mom and dad are our best friends here right now. We do have a few young couples that we are getting to know but most of our time is spent with each other and mom and dad Hutton. Adam is doing really well in his school work. I am so proud of him. He works so hard to keep up on all his homework. He is showing a lot of maturity in all of this, getting really good at time management. 
I am really ready to get into all those box's that have been packed up since November and get all my stuff about me again. We watched The Quiet Man the other night, a great movie by the way if you haven't seen it. My family watches it every St. Patty's Day, so I just had to watch it this year. There is a part in the movie that she talks about being a woman you want all your things about you. I just knew exactly how she was feeling. I want every thing to be in its place so that Adam and I can relax together in our home. I wanna be a house wife again.
Over all though, life is truly beautiful here in MI. I am getting settled and getting used to all the roads, kinda. Now that spring is around the corner and the nights are getting longer it is even more exciting. Life is good! The Lord is good and faithful to those who love Him. Thank You Lord for holding me close to you during this change. You are so good to me!

he just knows how to love me!

My husband amazes me. Living with another amazing married couple has made me think about my relationship with my husband. All I can really say is I am blessed to have a husband like mine. Each day I wake up knowing that he is next to me and this gives me so much peace. He has really been my rock through this huge change. I was talking with Adams mom the other day and we where marvelling at the fact  that Adam is one of the most unique persons we both know. I told her I felt so honored that the Lord choose me to marry her son. We had a moment of tears at that fact. You see Adam and her prayed for me when he was a little boy. She taught him and he continued to pray for me, even to this day, but now he knows me :)
When I was about 13 years old I heard the song "Wait for me" by Rebecka St. James and began praying for my husband, that he would stay pure for me. I dated boys and began to believe the lie satin was telling me that there is no man out there that is "completely"pure. So I would give my self little by little to each boy I dated. Little did I know my husband would wait, would save even his lips for mine. On Adam and my first date we put EVERYTHING out on that dinner table at the Elephant Bar, our favorite color, our relationship with our families, our relationship with the Lord, etc. The last question he had for me was, how far have you gone sexually? I was stunned that he would ask this so quickly, but I chose to be honest and told him all that I had done. I finished with " I regret all that I have chosen that is not pleasing to the Lord, BUT I know that I am forgiven and it is not apart of me any longer. I am pure in His eyes, so I am pure." Then I asked him.... "Dirty dancing and spooning" he said.               "Wait....... what?...?... You have never even kissed a girl???" He told me how he chose to wait for his wife, and that he would kiss the girl he said I love you to. I just couldn't even believe it. I thought to myself well I probably won't see him after this date. But then he called me again a few days later. He told me about how it was really hard for him at first knowing that I had made some mistakes that would effect him now, "but" he said "after praying about it. The Lord really gave me His eyes for you and like you said your 'pure in His eyes, so your pure.' About a week later he asked me to be his girl friend and of course I said yes. It was so hard for me to believe that the Lord would actually answer my small prayers when I was 13 and give me a "completely" pure man. This is how it is meant to be! Adam waited for me the same way the Lord is waiting for us, so patient! Adam loved me before he even knew me.
Adam not only did that to express his love to me then and now but now in our married life he shows me his love all the time without even knowing it. He just knows how to love me. He speaks to my love language DAILY, speaking words of affirmation to me. Telling me I am beautiful, wonderful, so good to him, that I work so hard, etc.  He is working so hard in school to someday be able to provide for our family. He tries his very best to please me all the time. He is sensitive to me and my feelings. He loves to hold me. He watches me dance my heart out. (Any of you that know me, know that I need this :)) My heart beams when he looks at me. He knows just how to make me laugh. He can speak straight to my heart. He knows just what to say and when to say it. He pushes me to be more, do more, and be better than even I think I can. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. He is so honest, so honest. He treats me like a daughter of God, a princess of the King. He really knows me better than I know me most of the time. I could go forever. He will someday be an amazing father to our children and an amazing grandfather to our grandchildren. I just know he will the the type of father and grandfather that they will want to be just like, and that they will look to with respect. And best of all he loves the Lord oh so much more than he loves me. I know that's why he can love me so well. And that is why I give thanks to You oh Lord. I marvel at your creation that you chose to give to me to enjoy and spend my life with. I'm lucky.... blessed!
So girls and boys, don't you settle because the world and satin are telling you that there are no more pure people left in the world, that there are no more good people. Save yourself and pray for your husbands and husbands for your wives. If you have given yourself, chose to love your beloved even now. The Lord will bring you exactly what you need all wrapped up in human skin. You have the choice for yourself and the Lord will chose someone perfect for you!

pUzzLES

I'm missing Colorado today. Life is seeming to put itself together here in Michigan, however there are so many moments I catch my heart feeling.... how to say... vacant. It's not so often that I can't be here and enjoy where I am in life, but just enough that my heart strings tug. Its usually the hard times I have here. I feel like my heart is settling itself but there are still parts of it that I feel will always be restless. Michigan is really more than so so, its beautiful and full of opportunity, but its just no Colorado... my home. I've never experienced hard before. You see, for me this is the hardest life experience I have ever faced. No person close to me has ever passed away. I still have my grandparents on both sides still alive, for heavens sake. I have never been really sick. I have never had to experience addiction to anything for myself or anyone close to me. So although the thought of moving away from their home and family for someone else might seem insignificant, for me it is the hardest. Before I moved here people would say "So how are you feeling about your upcoming move to MI?" I would always respond, " I'm excited. I know it will be 'hard' but I'm excited." I really didn't know what I was saying. Here I am experiencing "hard", and it is hard. Like the hard where I feel like in CO my life was a nice puzzle that was all put together beautifully. I had even decoupage it. A beautiful apartment with everything in its place, finances stable even more than enough, a great church, great friends, good jobs, etc. Then I got into our car at 4 am the day after Christmas to move here to MI and the whole puzzle was smashed on the ground. And since then I've been sitting on the floor trying to put it back together. I'm even finding that it is made up of new peaces, some old some new, as I put it back together. I don't even get the pleasure to see the picture on the front of the box before hand so that I can see what the end result should be. I'm so thankful though that I can look to my right and see Adam working just as hard on it and that the Lord is standing behind us encouraging us. He sees the whole picture on the box. This whole analogy is hard and yet so comforting because even though I know how it feels to have everything together, when life feels like it has fallen apart I have my loving husband going through it with me and a God who knows all helping both of us. I don't know how people do it with out Him. Having to carry all the burdens of life on their own shoulders, having to try to put the puzzles together alone... Well, all that to say, I miss Colorado, my family and my put together life. BUT I am ok, thankful even. I get to have the adventure of finding out what kind of beautiful pictures this puzzle will have on it. Once I have this picture all put together it will crash too and I'll have to put a new one together. With each puzzle I put together I will always use peaces from the old. At the end of life it will be a beautiful picture of hardship, tears, family, friends, adventure, joy, experience, and love. I will like to see it someday!

Good Morning!!

Good Morning Friends and Family! I got a job at Chili's!! I'm so thankful that I got a job. It will be interesting to be the newbe but I'm ready! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement in my search for a job.